Defeated

I'm tired, I'm exhausted, and my life is one big bunch of stress and open ended questions that cause me to eat more chocolate than I should. I have gained weight, I have lost my exercise schedule, and I feel completely defeated. I do realize that this time in my life is probably not the best for trying to stick to gigantic life changes. I'm just upset that I lost ground. I have changed enough that seeing what kind of damage falling of the wagon does to me makes me incredibly upset and disgusted. I work constantly, for one job that doesn't pay me enough and asks way to much of me, and for another that pays me but forces me to finish specified projects each week on a time schedule. I am so tired. I hate all of it. I have no time to shoot, or even do work that I like doing. I need something. I need something different.