For about two weeks I had hit a really great stride where I felt like everything was going really well. I had changed my eating patterns and felt much less hungry AND less tempted by crappy food or emotional eating. I was running twice a day and taking long walks. I was feeling like I was seeing results.
This week, I feel like that's all a distant memory. What troubles me is why.
I have gone a bit off plan - just a bit. I ate a little too much for dinner on Wednesday night. Today I ate two pieces of small bread with my soup for dinner. Tuesday I ate two granola bars in the afternoon that I didn't need simply due to the fact that I was feeling crappy. Tonight, I actually turned down Rubio's (my favorite fast food) knowing that it was just too many calories to be worth it.
I did 5 miles on Sunday, 2 on Monday, and 4 on Tuesday. Due to soreness in my legs I took Wednesday off, and today, I did another 4 miles.
But...overall...really not any huge problems. Earlier in the week, I fit in to a size 14 dress and it actually looks good. It's...tight...but, I like things fairly tight anyway, and the style works.
So, why do I feel so crappy?
I think I know why, and the reason really freaks me out.
I'm incredibly impatient and obsessive compulsive. Last week, I did my first two mile run on the elliptical machine. It was incredible - knowing that my body can do that. However, this week, I feel like I should keep pushing - that I now need to go 2.5 miles, or 3 miles. I know that I have it in me. I know I can do it. And because I know I can, I feel like I should. I think about how many more calories can be burned, how many more steps I can take.
I think about how the little things can help so much. Running an extra 20 minutes, which in the scale of things, is nothing, burns 300 more calories. That's my entire lunch. Skipping snacks saves calories. These things bother the hell out of me.
I realize that this is incredibly dangerous thinking. The last time I lost a large amount of weight, when I was in high school, I did it through obsessive compulsive restriction of food. It was a bad time for me, and I felt like my food was the only thing I could control. (A story that's far too often true). Once things started clearing, high school was getting closer to being over, and I got a little bit of self confidence, I went back to eating like crap. And, I gained. I have continued to gain since then.
I worry that my obsessive compulsive behavior will doom me to failure because I won't be able to keep up with my own expectations.
3 comments:
One of the things I remember from WW was that you had to get a minimum of points to avoid starvation mode. I've heard that WW can be really helpful not only in putting an upper limit on food, but a lower limit too.
I have felt the same obsessive need to push myself with the exercise, but think of it this way. If you peak at the beginning you run the risk of either, a, getting bored faster and then not exercising at all, or B, hitting your peak and then plateauing.
When I started going to the gym daily both of these things happened to me. Now that I don't go every day it feels like no matter what I do I can't get caught back up to where I was when I went daily. If I'd never gone daily I'd never have experienced the decline in my abilities, nor would I be frustrated about it.
My advice is to not overdo it at first, and build a steady incline so your weight loss doesn't plateau.
I have worked with a few trainers who say these things, which I think will help you through this:
1) Try to eat every few hours, focusing not quite so much on the NUMBER of calories you're eating, but on how your body actually FEELS at that time. If you feel fatigued, you're probably not eating enough (Protein, protein, protein...if you haven't invested in good whey protein, try it)
2) Increase your distance no more than .25 miles per week. Forcing yourself to do too much to quickly will inevitably result in injury... a setback you can not afford.
I think you're doing so well. Don't get discouraged. At risk of sounding cliche, I'll end this with, "If losing weight were easy, everyone would do it."
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